The Ultimate World Championship Pull-out Preview

WINNERS

Alireza Firouzja, who will descend from the ceiling during one of Nepo’s loo breaks, seize his seat and become World Champion.

Fans of Anagrams: it’s Mr Anus Glances against Hip Contain Machine

Lovers of truly historical chess moments. Due to a combination of the quality of play on show and a gust of solar wind, it’s forecast that in game 5 the players will unlock a brand new legal move for the first time since Christopher Columbus “discovered” en passant in the 15th century.

Danny Rensch: as he’s based on site in Dubai, he’ll get access to the moves a few seconds earlier and beat Finegold and his scriptwriters to all the Dad jokes.

Makers of clip-on man-buns, as everyone tries to replicate the Nepo look over the coming party season.

Capitalism.

LOSERS

Nigel Short

The Fish In Das ‘E dating agency, who were all prepared to use #FIDEMatch2021 for their new promotional campaign.

Donald Trump, who thought Magnus was “Make America Great Now, United States”.

Nepo’s family, who are so sick of “Nepo-tism” puns that they’re taking up no roles to support their dear Ian.

Nigel Short